an oldie:

I have written these lengthy entries about my feelings concerning 2009. Explanations for my behavior, most of which i do not feel the need to go back and dwell on.

Dear 2009
Every concept of what kind of person I am , what kind of creative person i want to be, or how I react to people was flipped upside down, and now there is just this… indescribable feeling of pure anxiety, sadness, want and need for greatness, an epic longing, resentment and excitement for what I could possibly do.
You made me realize the importance of grieving, and coping. I doubt I would have been erratic if I managed to take care of all the awful feelings taking me hostage.
You taught me about my relationships. I stayed in friendships that we toxic due to the most intense and lasting sense amount of self loathing that I have ever undergone. I allowed myself to get walked over, screamed at and underestimated by a slew of people who are just as, if not even more insecure as I am.
You made me long for my true friends, and realize that despite how much I may love my work, that I truly cannot cope with it if I just stay locked indoors for months at a time. Work becomes a chore instead of the exploration that I love, and I just become crazy.
But the worse part of you 2009 is that you made me realize how angry I am. There is something to be said about suppressing your feelings, and I never realized that I did it so much that it is actually affected my heart.

I think I noticed all the awful things about myself in 2009,
and 2010 is all about just trying to fix these things.
I think I should just pick up my camera again and do projects because I see something in them again.
I got a little lost there, didn’t I?